I was trying to write a post over the weekend, I really was, but life got so busy and there was so much drink that I mostly forgot, but also found that I was boring myself, which is possibly the least favourable place to write from. It was another post about a video game, specifically the contraversial masterpiece The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, and how much I like it because it is one of the weirdest things in the world. Like the aborted effort about Killer7, it was too close to an absolute description, even to the point of picking up the controller. I have an abiding love for these strange and odd games, even though they belong to out-dated systems (I have the Gold cartridge for MM, not the disc), and I think it's because they are about altered perceptions and are set in realities that challenge. Of course, I must feel some sort of 'kindred spirit' kind of thing for the characters therein, as I constantly find reality a challenge, mentally and physically taxing beyond the pale. And indeed, no more so than now! What with the end of the year, everyone else moving on and whatnot, where I need to find a job and somewhere to live and Jesus Christ I can barely cope!
This summer's main event is the Choir tour to Sweden! Oh yes. As I do love telling people, it'll only be my fourth flight, and the first such journey that won't end in Germany. There are plans afoot to go to a water park, a zoo, possible opportunities for lake swimming... with the odd concert thrown in here and there (but we wouldn't want anything to be too taxing now would we!). It promises to be an interesting week, although the fact that booze is punishingly expensive (somehow worse than Truro?) may lead to any sort of poverty, madness and desperation, and so on. What am I saying? Of course it'll be great! It will also be the last time that I see certain members of the current Truro Cathedral Choir team, being this year's Scholar's last hurrah. End of an era, huh? Another chapter done and dusted, but at least I'm staying here. I vacillate wildly about my appointment actually: sometimes I do wonder whether it was made out of convenience, but mostly I fret about the fact that...well, it doesn't seem terribly exciting. I get the feeling I've written this before, but with people off to the Royal Northern, the Royal Academy, Collegiate choirs... What am I doing? Staying in Truro? Putting myself into the firing line for a life of financial hardship? Actually having a job and being like, a... Grown up? We're back to the end of the first paragraph again though, where I reach the very end of my limited (but still effective) set of coping skills.
At least the weather's picked up! Although I haven't really made much foray to the coasts (unlike my housemates, strong swimmers and keen surfers that they are), I do find it a rather enjoyable climate and will often take to just walking through town of an afternoon, deciding what I will spend my money on this time. I find myself quite bored a lot of the time, so most of the time I'm thinking about what I'd like to eat. I am the worst comfort eater in the world, I used to bank roll the local Chinese take out place at the end of my road in Norwich coming home from... well, anything really: choir, uni, also my home... Anything that had disturbed my delicate temperament that day would be answered with Roast Chicken Chinese style and Egg Fried Rice. I spent a lot of money there, I can tell you. Anyway. I wear short trousers now. Even under my cassock! The secret's out, good lord. Neither delighteth he in any man's legs. I'm still really warm at night, obviously now because of the environment, not the central heating. Thank GOD.
I guess now it's almost all over (again), things are a bit sad. I've had a couple of really bad episodes and have come to the conclusion that I have almost no power over my mood, but at least I'm on a bit of an upswing currently. The difference between one day and another can often be nothing short of staggering, and indeed, even catastrophic some times. I do try though. I hate being a shut in, and try to make some sort of positive difference, usually rescuing my items left for dead in that biohazardous desert that is the Scholary Kitchen. Nothing can live in its disgusting mire. Or having a cup of tea. I will force myself to leave the house sometimes because I will not allow myself to be trapped in my own home. Sometimes, especially when my mood is particularly poor, I even feel as if I'm trapped in my own head. It's awful, and it's terrible and sometimes there just isn't anything I can do about it, like I have to sort out a mask so people don't ask me questions I'm to anxious to even begin to consider answering and get out the house... And we're back to Majora's Mask!
Oh well. Things have a habit of evening out, I suppose. A major factor to my poor moods is exactly because we are at the end of the year: everything must change and if there's one thing I hate it's change. I mean, I hate everything, right? Change is the worst though you guys I mean seriously it is. Because change is unexpected, I am often ill-prepared to deal with whatever happens, and of course that gets me worked up as well. It certainly isn't easy being me sometimes. But then again... If it was easy, it'd be boring. And I really can't stand being bored.
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