Start again, at the end...

So!  2012 finally draws to a close, limping over the finish line in an alcoholic haze of post-non-apocalyptic valediction.  Ah yes, it's that time where I reapply for the vacancy, face down in the flowerbed and take to dying on a mattress being fed dioralyte in the morning...

Haha!  Such nostalgia.

It's been a long year, actually.  I look in the mirror and see a distinctly silvery sheen over the fringe, I've reinstalled my Eastern European disguise in the shape and form of the chops (Yes, Bulgaria's finest Crime Lord is back).  In and out of relationships and employment... the two seem to share some ineffable link; last time I lost the job first, and the latest time I lost the job after.  Funny.  I don't know, you've got to have a sense of humour about these things, haven't you?

I'm almost pleased to report that I am unattached on both fronts... Almost?  Being unemployed is more trouble than it's worth, what with the bloody Jobcentre, but it keeps me looking for work, at least.  After the past two successes (and their subsequent ends), I have returned to one's traditional MO of wishing to date girls who are either not available...or just don't return my calls.  There's a hint, eh?  OH WOE IS ME.  Just the usual for many though, I suppose, so at least I'm rapidly reaching the same level as the rest of society!  My therapist would be so proud. 

As we pole towards New Year's Eve of the calendar, I would like to remind us all of my best good news ever, the realisation of a lifelong dream... before the age of 25.  I am to be appointed as Truro Cathedral Choir's seventh Lay Vicar.  I spoke about this last time, but I can't accurately describe how much of a big deal this is; I'm never going to be a Choral Scholar again.  I remember as a probationer being in awe of the Songmen at Derby, especially (of course) the Altos, and now, having settled in well with the other Gentlemen of the choir and producing the most immense amount of sound, I am following in that same tradition.  All jokes aside, when my fellow Lay Vicar on my side isn't there I do miss him!  We are a team, and I'm very pleased to take my place in the greater team that is Truro Cathedral Choir.  I am extremely lucky to be here, especially with the best Director anyone could hope for - I doubt there's another choirmaster who loves his job this much, is as caring and supportive, striking a fine balance between sheer professionalism and social grace... Haha!  I do love my Boss.  

I suppose that this Summer, as partially disastrous as it was, also formed a lesson for the future; Grown ups don't get a summer holiday. 

The real worst part of the Summer, was of course, no services.  Even this post-Christmas week is...pretty dull, especially after the big three last services!  While I definitely sang harder this year, my voice is in much better order so we can track some improvement there at least!  This is my life, I'm glad I chose it, and indeed, glad that it chose me. 

Anyway.  I'm sure that's there's enough nostalgia here for us to happily take our fill.  It's time we look forward.


I once wrote in the summer that my whole angle was that I never changed.  Indeed, my core values are unchanged, and it's mostly my appearance.  I also wrote that the definition of insanity is doing the same things time and again and expecting the situation to change: the entire country indulges in an insanity of this kind at every General Election.  POLITICS.  There's always time for something different, I mean, I will be moving into my own place by this time next year, an idea that actually doesn't fill me with fear!  I am looking forward to living in Truro very much.  Perhaps I should make some new year's resolutions?  Sounds dangerous, I know.  Something about, oh I don't know... regular exercise, erm, getting up every day, something about getting a job or you know, things like that.  Maybe it'd be nice to try and effect a change?  I certainly need to start playing the Banjo more often again, that's for sure.  I don't have £600 worth of instrument hanging there for nothing, huh?

Recently I have taken a more relaxed attitude to everything (well, except for singing, although I do need to get back into lessons again), and I don't know, perhaps it's something in the Cornish water but I have found that at least my blood pressure has eased off, if nothing else.  I must reserve my highly strung attitude to the cleaning to my own (future) residence, and not the shared accommodation, he says, hilariously.  My intensity remains of course, it's not like it's going away any time soon but I'm definitely not the only one round here with bipolarity issues...

2013 is just over the hill.  I'm just about ready to step the game up.  There are more than enough social problems to get over but really, if anything, I've let all my problems get on top of me this last year.  I've recovered a lot of my lost strength, gone over the summer, throughout the past month, probably through singing myself into the ground and somehow still caning out the notes every service: it's what I do, after all.  I've had a really great Christmas as well, got some great presents, but more importantly (which is approaching the true meaning of Christmas), had a brilliant time with my friends and family.  I might even try and keep a writing schedule this time.  You know, something once a week; I might not be getting paid for it but it's something else I need to get back into that I enjoy.  It might actually do me some good!

In conclusion, I am looking forward to this new year.  Big things are afoot, and it's time for me to take my place at the head of these developments, not as a follower.  This very moment, the statement "I've always found well-behaved to be overrated" has appeared before me, and gosh you know what, I rather feel that I've been just too straight-laced.  Excellent behaviour and good manners are of course hallmarks of my visit, but maybe I've just been trying too hard all the time.  Time to try something different, new, and exciting.

Vignette XXXIII

Sometimes, by which I mean all the time, I'm not entirely sure why I bother.

In all honesty, I know what I ought to do, I mean, really.  But maybe the cut would hurt more than not?  I don't know.  The reputation that exists already is bad enough.  Perhaps, after this retired period and what could charitably be described as rehabilitation as far as confidence is concerned...

But even after all that, maybe it's time to return fully to a black and white ethic.  






But really...

...What matters?