As I write this, we have passed into the 15th of August, the 3rd Sunday of the month and importantly the start of a new week. In 5 month's time, I will turn 21, the last significant milestone before 30. If you look at the way the numbers stack up there it's all quite nice actually. Anyway. I'm in the mood for some resolutions, and hopefully I'll keep them and get round to keeping them quicker than my new years...
Even in light of my recent materialist urges, I'm going keep possessions off the agenda. Sure, my laptop is bordering on muderously slow, and my mobile keeps switching itself off every now and again (I like to say it's having a nap), but they both still work and they both still do what I want them to do, and that, at the end of the day is what really matters. I really would like new ones as far as both ports are concerned, not to mention a Bass Guitar of my very own, a Resonator for my Tenor Banjo, more sheet music and so on and so forth, but really I can wait. Deploy the Trombones though, as I'm going all out for existential goals this time.
BOOM PARP KABOOM.
Interestingly enough, this very Web log was the only New Year's resolution I can remember, probably because I kept it in the end! By April.
Anyway. I'm a sad little man with poor self image who suffers from mild to intense depression, who can't get a date or a job. This changes.
Not instantly either. The biggest mistake that most people make with their resolutions is to start this new regime instantly. Cold Turkey, we call it in the business. It's pointless, it's ineffective, and bluntly doomed to failure. I am not wired for constant failure, so I'm going to try to put a stop to it...in my own special way, in my own sweet time. I've got 5 months until I'm 21, it's possible to change all of those things in that time. Realistically (yes, not defeatist), I can successfully find employment and lift the depression. How? I have very little idea, but I will somehow. Getting up before 11 am for starters might help. The day is often far spent by the time I heave my carcass out of my chamber, therefore nothing happens.
I must step up and impose order upon chaos. My order on my chaos, and that's how it will be. Big words from a little man! So a wake up plan is in serious order. If I can tidy up, I can get myself up, I'm on the up. Ok! Good stuff. A great plan so far.
Employment will have to take care of itself at a certain point. I need to shake my CV into order and submit it to agencies and UEA Student Union. Once I've handed in, all I can do is wait, and wait I will. I haven't got long before I go back to Uni, so maybe I can find something? Times are indeed very very tough, but I might be able to find something if I'm very lucky, and Lord knows there's volunteering to be done.
NEXT.
My self image and depression problems can only improve once everything else improves really. Work is its own reward! Hoo-Ha!
Ok. Last hurdle. Fire up the Trombones. Deep breath.
Dating. Like I said last time, I haven't been on any sort of date for what I consider to be a bloody long time. I am pretty much out of touch with reality on a good day with a following wind, so this could get tricky. Ergo, I label this one, er, optional. Aha. No, really now, I only have a finite supply of chutzpah, so I need to be careful. But then again, erring solely on the side of caution will get me nowhere! But then again, it would have saved me a lot of heartache and several friendships along the way. But all this wailing and "boo-hoo nobody likes me" rather ensures that nobody will. The fact that I hate going out to clubs &c for a night out, with their sticky floors, over-priced drinks, oppressive atmospheres and questionable clientèle doesn't bode well for me either, as this is where most of this "attracting a mate" process goes on these days (OR SO I AM LED TO BELIEVE), but hey, I'm in halls next year and there'll be flat parties which are basically the same except smaller and the booze is shared and RING OF FIRE happens and so on and so forth. I might 'get lucky', I might not. I might even find a lasting relationship. I'm certainly going to try to be more positive about it anyway, or I shall never get anywhere. I even bought new clothes this past year specifically so I had something good to wear on a date...suffice to say they haven't been bothered yet.
Just wish me luck, m'kay?
So I feel positively optimistic about all this. Hopefully I can remember to be optimistic as the time goes on. I'm not setting myself a definite timetable for all this (except my room really does need a clean when I get up), but that things are looking up and moving in a good direction by my 21st. Who knows? I may even un-cancel my birthday celebrations and once again go out on the lash. Banter. Banter 2011? Wow.
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