Part Timer

So, another working week draws to a close.  This one has been less tiring physically, but not easy emotionally, and I learn to find another way.

This week has been out of kilter; I missed out Monday but came up smiling on Tuesday, in time for my first day on front of house at the Cathedral Restaurant.  Monday's timetable was slightly different, being used primarily as recovery from putting a rather large amount of alcohol inside myself in a short space of time.  The City Inn, a fine establishment in Truro will, for a price, serve ale from the tap in two pint glass Steins.  In the equation of Pebblez plus Steins multiplied by Doom Bar, we know that the only answer is Inebriation.

On Tuesday, the Boy left.  Yes, Barrett my one time nemesis to full time sidekick finally left the building, to depart on his summer of European travel.  God bless and God speed.  We had an emotional and public goodbye in the Restaurant, as thankfully (for him at least) he arrived before the busy time kicks off.  I miss him a lot, actually.  For all the mess that was made, all the arguing about budgets, however much I wanted to wipe him off the face of the Earth when he told me what to do... I do miss him a hell of a lot.  He'll be back!  I mean, he promises to return for a week over Old Choristers' (whether he will stay for that long is another question), and the Good Old Days can return.  Right?

The rest of the Scholars have been peeling off in their own time.  Our Organ Scholar left on Wednesday morning, Mr. McCusker went last night...which only leaves Mr. Lock to go on Sunday.  After that, it's just me and the Beeves...until September.  Now, the living arrangements still as I type aren't completely secure.  At some point, a minor redecorative event is supposed to be happening in the Scholary, which we're supposed to be absent for.  I think it might be a case of seeing what happens when we get there, and not having any clue beforehand.  Best not say any more before I get myself into trouble either.

Currently though my part time working arrangement is going well.  If anything, I could do with more hours to get out of that overdraft quicker, but if I keep to my new budget regime I should be okay... just about.  My plan to install a double bed into my room will have to not touch my Bank account at all, or it'll never happen, as will neither my proposed holiday plan...which hasn;t been discussed properly yet anyway.  That's another big maybe that's a long way off, but if I prepare for it now I can make it seriously easier.  I'll probably have to keep a little brown paper bag under my matress or something for the bed fund (stay the hell away from my matress you hear.)  What I could really do with is an infallible get rich quick scheme, or a significant pay rise.  Alright already!  So could we all!

I've had to seriously rethink my money though.  I'm exceedingly close to the bottom of my overdraft, and need to make some real progress.  It's...difficult.  I looked at the cost of my phone bills for the last 6 months and almost had a heart attack over the appearance of a charge of some £91 a few months ago... Oy Vey!  I am going to actually have to be careful this time.  My latest bill is for a fair 52 quid anyway, so I'm only at twice my contract this month, right?  Ouch.  I need to be careful now, because unlike for the last however many years now there won;t be a Student loan to pick me up in September.  There is no termly cash drop to keep me from trouble.  I have to work now in order to afford to eat, basically!  If I even dared another night out between now and pay day I'll be doomed!  Now my back's up against the wall I am going to have to turn this one right around...which I should have been doing for ages now but I am after all, a fool.

This is the real character building excercise though, I can't run away now.  I've got people to make proud of me again, people who want to see me thrive and succeed, and I can't let them down!  I'll always have myself, let down or not...

...But in fact, that attitude is part of my problem.  Allow me to explain.

My Girlfriend has gone to Italy for a week with her Wind Band.  Well, I say a week.  It's more like 4 days there and the rest travelling.  I am missing her so much right now, it's awful.  It's made worse by the fact that so many people are leaving Truro at the moment anyway, I could do with her being a little closer at least, but I can't win all the time.  I know she's coming back, and the birthday surprises I have in store have been well-planned.  

Whenever I've taken trips away from girlfriends (or vice versa) I've always gone slightly mad, and got a bit needy.  The problem is not that I don't believe that they won't want me still, just that I tell myself that they will see something better than me if I am away, and I'll lose out.  Again.  I tell myself that I'm just not good enough.  I worry and I waste away and I pine and whimper and it's just not very good at all, really.  I've done it for years as well, I hardly know any better.

I am turning this around.  It's very hard.  

I know, heart and soul and strength that there's nobody out there who feels the way I do about her.  Imperfect and crippled I may be, but I'm a Bright, and I always do my best and I never give up.  That's what I am.  Who I am, on the other hand, I am remembering very slowly, and it's down to her that I am, with the right amount of tender support and affectionate chastisement that I need to know I'm doing well.  I haven't given up before, I don't intend to start doing so now.  I know that one day, we'll be very far apart, maybe through accident of employment or education, but it won't matter.  It'll still be us two, together.  I know this.  I almost believe it.  Trust me, I'm trying and God does love a tryer.

Onwards though!  I have a new budget plan, and a job that pays.  Living through this summer won't be cushy, but it'll be a life that I'll have earned the funds for by myself, and that's something to be proud of.  I've done a budget forecast for the next quarter (!), and if I stick to it I'll have made a net gain of some £1200.  I'll be...comfortable!