Welcome, fellow blogospherics, to the new age. In his infinite wisdom, Saint Steve of Jobs has come down from his lofty Californian throne and gifted us with the most useless technological update in the history of technological updates: the iPad. Here's my hands-on review.
Let's get to it. Without investing in some serious simultaneous research, I have no idea how the numbers crunch on this...well, roof slate. The screen's nice and can support multi-touch for up to 10 human fingers. Or is it 11? There's a weird electro-plaything app called "uzu" (you should get it, it's brilliant stress relief. Unfortuately it doesn't make noise) that uses them all. Of course apps are being developed constantly, and for shiggles I played with it at the same time as Bloom on an iPhone and by golly is that fun. (Don't worry fact fans, I'll crunch numbers later either when I'm used to it or I get back to my steam powered brick shithouse.) SO I'M ON THE INTERNET, HUH?!!1! That is pretty much the best thing about it. And that somehow, my retarded method of typing works perfectly on the on-screen keyboard. It's nice! Completely intuitive as well; the adverts aren't exaggerating when they say "you already know how to use it." Or they could obviously be riffing on the fact that we're using the same OS GUI and basic interface that we have been since the first iPhone way back when. This said, we must not forget that if it isn't broken it doesn't need fixing. It is suffering from wi-fi issues, but the update patch from 3.2 to 4.0 (wow, a whole 0.8 worth of software generation in one go? Tight.) should see to it.
Here we go though. What's missing, what will never be here and why I can't commit. Look Steve, this JUST ISN'T GOING TO WORK. I'M SORRY IT'S NOT YOU IT'S ME.
Flippancy aside, there are just some things that don't sit well at all. The current lack of multitasking is poor, to put it bluntly. Yes it'll get seen to in a firmware update soon enough, but even then it's not real multitasking. I'm now back on my shambolic Toshiba Portege laptop (which can convert to a tablet mode as well), and I'm running 3 high RAM usage programs at the same time, namely Opera 10.60 Internet Browser, Windows Media Player 11 (I think it's 11) and Windows Live! Messenger 8.5. Ok, I'm extremely lucky that I'm running all 3 without too much chuntering, but the boiler's at full steam and let's just keep praying it stays that way. Funnily enough my computer starts to lag at about 2am, and I usually take that as a sign to call it a night if I haven't already. Anyway, we're off the point. I can run as many programs as I like (more to the point, that my 1.6 GHz Intel Centrino can handle) at a time. I'm currently running 9 tabs in Opera, or I could do so in Firefox, or Google Chrome or even heaven forbid Internet Exploder...or any other browser I choose to. My system is medium to low power, but ultimately (and indeed, for technically more money than it's really worth) upgradeable if I wish it.
This is another thing you see. If I buy an iPad, I'm buying into Apple's business philosophy, a philosophy I don't believe in. Somehow, Steve Jobs is trying and slowly but surely succeeding in wiping basically the last 40(!) years of computing. The graveyard of IBM 286, 386, 486, and 386DXII towers and components in my mother's attic are testament, as is Dell's current Business plan. Windows computers always have been, and probably always will be modular units. If something breaks down, replace it. And by 'it', I mean a singular component. Not the entire unit. Software also follows this modular idea, coming firstly on tapes, then the ubiquitous floppy disk, Compact Disc and now PCDVD. A range of external peripherals, such as printers, cameras and storage units are available as well, thanks to the Universal Serial Bus Connector. Admittedly this is being replaced slowly by USB 2.0 and Firewire, but USB is still backwards compatible. This is it, things can be patched up, often literally as far as software and indeed firmware are concerned, to a personal standard, of both computing power and aesthetic. A sideways look at PC modification, even basic stuff like overclocking puts me rather in mind of the 'used universe' way of looking at the future, which the designers for the Star Wars saga (and indeed Blade Runner (Atari!)(Maybe even Firefly?)) were so keen to latch on to; it's believable, and very possible. Spare wires hanging out everywhere. You look at it and think "where does that go? How can I improve it?" &c &c. Very little suspension of disbelief is needed when you see the Sandcrawler, for example. There's no way that shit couldn't roll around on tank treads...and can you really see Steve Jobs running around on tank treads? Exactly.
This is not the Apple way, and I think this is the fundamental academic problem I've had with them. Ever since the iPod arrived waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back when I can't even remember (never owned one anyway), Apple have seemingly latched onto this...you do as we tell you. There is no way at all of legally modifying your Apple iPad. I know, shock horror etc etc. Newsflash: They don't want you to. However. It is possible. The technique known as 'Jail-breaking', which when used on an iPhone effectively 'unlocks' it, similar to other mobiles and network locking. Once broken, your iPad no longer has any will of its own, or inclination to free itself from your control... No hang on.
Once broken, you are free to install alternative software, such as another Internet browser, replace the uselessness of iTunes, which alongside being no better than WMP or RealPlayer, ALSO HAS NO STOP BUTTON ARGH. And so on and so forth? The price? YOUR SOUL. Or alternatively, your warranty should anything go wrong. You can also access different App Stores, ie Not just Apple's. The horror!
Upon reading the front page of the Independent this very evening, Apple, or perhaps just Steve Jobs are beginning to get into some bother, mainly over the iPhone 4. The 4th generation model hasn't come with 4th generation firmware, and there's also a nasty problem about signal. Whoops. Scotch tape? Special case? NO, FIX YOUR HARDWARE APPLE. Sorry. The point is that they aren't acknowledging any mechanical fault, which is funnily enough what it is. Unless iOS7 has a patch that can fix it. Sucks to be an early adopter, huh?
Ok, so I started this yesterday in a pretty good mood, until I discovered I had to leave it because the iPad wouldn't let me scroll down in the text window, let alone use the compose toolbar. I've come back to the familiarity of arguably one of the worst windows OS, but still windows. What do I think about the iPad? Well, what do I think it is? A toy. It's an electronic roof slate that I can tweet from and Facebook from and read comics and read other people's blogs from. I can check the weather and intercept RSS feeds no problem...but that's really all the use I can see for it. Ok, I could probably get a lot of use out of it as an organiser, and like I said, I can type pretty well on it without much readjusting, so it's good for note taking, even without the keyboard dock. I do still like the clink-clunk of a hardware keyboard though. Call me old fashioned. Apple have certainly squeezed a lot of efficiency out of their roof tile, I'll give them that. Display resolution is high, and processing is quick, for saying it's a 1GHz. But then again it is ARM11.
Unlike the next generation of Windows 7 and Android based Slate computers that are beginning to trundle over the horizon, the iPad is no genuine advance. It's a good usage of existing material though, I'll admit. It'll make them a shedload of cash as well. And every time an iPad battery gives up the ghost, the entire unit will get replaced. By the time my laptop battery does the same, replacement parts will be cheap enough for me to get a couple, just in case, and maybe I'll paint my casing for teh lulz. The iPad is a novelty sized iPod touch to cynics like me. Hands on hands off it'll never do what I want it to do, and I'm just a music student. Yes, it can replace entire computers for some people, and to those people I say try it and make your own minds up! I could quite happily get one to play with, but just to play with. I'm sorry Steve, but this was never meant to be. Your closed system aesthetic and hardware attitude clash with well...my decision. To be perfectly honest, I'm quite happy with my broken down dream machine, and I'm not really very willing to replace it out of hand, even with a new Windows 7 lappy or Slate (eventually), let alone one of your silver death machines. Sorry, got a bit ahead of myself there. I'll patch that up...maybe by Winter 2010...
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