Stop, Look & Listen

It's been a long Summer Vac.  And a lot has changed.  But there's still time for everything to change, after all.  Let's get to it.

I've been mostly living alone this summer.  No, not completely by myself, but rather alone.  My housemate, as is his wont, has often gone hither and yon and I have been the sole custodian of The Scholary in the meantime.  As for my girlfriend, well... She's been busy too, and has been here and there on holiday and trips and all sorts of things befitting those on summer holiday.  It's cool.

What I don't like though, is being alone, because being alone drives me absolutely insane, and I just go mad.  It's been a tough old time in many respects because of that.  When I go mad, my usual anxiety spikes and I have a little more trouble than usual controlling it.  Sometimes, it's not easy.  Oy...

I have often faced things about myself that I do not like this holiday as well: my insecurities, my anxieties, my deep-seated dislike of asking for help, my control issues... and so on and so forth!  Luckily for me, I have a good bunch of friends, a wonderful family, and, brave as I am to use such formal language, a significant other who is right behind me and does more than she thinks.

Things are looking up, just like always though.  The Scholary, horrific dosshole that it has been is now in a magnificent state, being cleaned, replumbed, decorated and partially refurnished in time for the new Choir year.  Right now I'm sat (although admittedly not in my seat...) on a reclining sofa; yes, things really are that good!  My chamber of course is furnished to my exact recquirements, what with my double bed, keyboard, and Banjo hanger screwed into the wall.  As always, I am black and white, indeed to such an extent that I now have a brand new Banjo (around £600 worth of instrument) hanging on my wall, this time with a resonator, brass tone ring and black Remo head.  It looks and sounds amazing, and I'm redoubling my efforts in order to be comfortable with the new sound, weight and neck profile in time for my Concert du Jour on the 16th, where I hijack the first Cello Suite by Bach.  That's right, 3 years in the making and after almost 8 weeks of at least two hours practice a night it's almost ready.  Opinion is already divided, but that's kind of the point.  I'm never out to do anything 'usual', and have no intention of stopping now.  Not being Banjo music, it is pretty tricky, but I'm getting there.  I'll be ready in time for the concert... (he says.)

Keen-eyed followers will also notice that I have been all but off-network for the past 5 days.  It's something I'm trying out.  I have more than enough on my plate with practicing and this job still before term starts anew without updating the internet as to my every move.  I'm doing okay, I've been back on today and will of course post this before being off again.  I just got so used to being on Facebook and twitter all the time, maybe it is time for a rest every so often.  Of course, if you want me, I'm still here, yeah?  I am still pretty forgetful about my letters, but that's another habit I have once again fallen out of.  Even as a correspondant I can get very serious, very quickly, and as I am learning, that's not always a good thing.  

The next few months will prove interesting, I suppose.  Financial decisions are not to be taken lightly, after all but there's still so much good work ahead of me.  I have a few personal milestones even before Christmas yet, and there's always room to improve.  All I have to do is keep paying attention.  I've gotta do something...right?