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So I've been writing this blog since April what, two years ago now?  Sure, sounds about right.  I take things that have happened, are in the process of happening, or are about to happen to me and turn them into a little story and throw in a load of song lyrics, pop culture references, puns... and then review and then publish.  I put links out and wonder who really reads this crap.

Today I am trying really very hard to condense the last two weeks into a workable, readable and indeed writable form, and unsurprisingly I'm finding that extremely difficult.  Let's start with the biggest fact here so we all know what we're dealing with: I got dumped.

Again.

I'm an absolute wreck.  I can't sleep, I don't want to eat, don't want to even move half the time.  I spent the weekend getting roaring drunk every day, and I've even lost a lot of voice.  The only thing I've lost more of is weight, which is just falling off me.  I'm going to be very ill, that's if I'm not already.

Obviously now I want to go on a massive emotional tirade, but... It just won't help.  It won't make me feel any better, you won't want to read it, it'll be divisive (and I've had enough division this week), so I won't bother.  What I will say though is I am just at loss.  I don't know what to do at the moment, and wearing one's heart on one's sleeve (or what's left of it now) as one does...

And look, I know I have the best friends a man could ask for who are all worried sick.  I've got dedications from across the pond, promises of unrelenting physical violence, offers of beds and beer from Norwich almost instantaneously as I let my friends back home know.  This is it, everyone goes through it time and again, and I have all sorts of people to fall back on.  But when that one person goes, that one you made your priority goes and you all know what I mean (and if you don't, just wait until you do), it's absolutely shattering, and that's all I feel at the moment.

It's tough.  I feel...blank in many ways.  I haven't worn my rings and chains for the past week now either.  There was a brief moment during the weekend where the sensation of not wearing any jewelry was stranger than wearing it...but ultimately I'm still not wearing any.  My personality has crashed a little bit (haha a lot) and I'm just not strong enough within myself to uphold it.  Can't eat, can't sleep, can't even wear my bloody suits because I'm so thin at the moment God it's an awful life really, isn't it?

I need to post this and go to bed, before I sit up all night trying to make a point that I'm not really sure about, or change my mind.  As we already know, I don't really change that much, so expect another one of these after the next time, where I give everything and it doesn't work out for whatever reason.  I think that's enough for now though.  I'll be back once I'm done hurting, but don't expect that for a long time because I hurt very badly now.