Turning back the years to (Jesus H. Christ you guys) 2003, where was I? Year...8 or something at School, deputy head chorister at Choir, doing pretty well for myself! Hah... In the course of things, I don't know if I'd tell myself to change things, I don't really believe if I would want to change anything because it would change...well, everything! I probably wouldn't be in Truro is things were different. I might have gone to York instead of UEA for three years, and maybe I would have ended up in Tyddewi for my Scholarship after University... But when I was 13 I was still...'unformed'. Things that are now core aspects of my personality hadn't yet dropped into place. I would have to wait another year until I got my first Banjo, until my Dad was invited to leave the house, and for my voice to change. I hadn't even started playing the Bass by then!
But I digress. This is a tough idea to focus on, and an unfocused post is not a post I enjoy reading back after the edit. So let's focus.
The one thing that I'd really, really like to tell my 13 year old self is that you are worth believing in. The one problem that's dogged me every second of every single day of my life is not believing in myself enough. It's not like I've had a sudden epiphany or anything, don't worry, but it remains to be said. I'm not suddenly going to change my ways and realise years of untapped confidence though, don't worry!
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Dear Paul-Ethan,
The year is 2013, AND THE WORLD IS ENDING. No, just kidding. Well, no more than usual.
You are going to face a lot of choices, and even more challenges than you could possibly imagine. It's really not going to be easy, so buckle up kiddo.
I won't bother telling you to study hard or do your work, because if you really are me, I know that you won't. But don't forget to look like you're paying attention, because you still can't lie very effectively, you will get asked. Learn some creative excuses. You will get to University though, like you've always wanted to, like you've always said you've wanted to. And it's miles away from home...but Mother will always find a way to surprise you, usually by turning up when you least expect it. Not much changes really in these ten years as far as she's concerned, but don't forget to look after her. She'll be your only parent while you're growing up, and she will sacrifice almost everything to make sure you succeed in any and every way imaginable. She will teach you how to cook though, and that's probably the most valuable lesson you'll learn for a long time.
Speaking of food, don't ever give up hope because you will gain enough weight to wear trousers without belts that make you look like a sack tied around the middle...but it will take time. The Charity shops that have served you so well for finding Transformers will continue to serve: don't bother with Topman, you can find better in Oxfam. Dress how you like and try not to let other people bother you. You will earn a reputation for growing startlingly characteristic facial hair, but roll with it.
I know making friends is difficult, and unsurprisingly the core cast of aiders and abetters doesn't actually change, I'm sure you won't be surprised. You'll gain a sister, and I can guarantee that it'll be the least likely person that you think it is. No clues though. You'll go through hell and high water, and these guys will always be there, no matter what sort of disaster you get stuck into. There'll be times when you're all so far apart, but even years later, you can still bring them together.
Sadly, not a lot of people will respect you for who you are and what you do, and the ones who do will keep remarkably quiet about it. The thing is that you are different to almost every expectation: musically, fashionably, and of course, your terrible attitude (that only gets worse as you get older I'm not gonna lie). Your favourite word will change over the years, but "no" is one that will keep coming back.
What should I say about women though? I remember what things were like for you at school actually, and it does pretty much suck, straight up. Things... Things get a bit disappointing sometimes, even now (where you grow into the most handsome young Jewish man in Cornwall ha ha haaaaaaaa) but in between, things work out just great. Other times, you will just straight up get your heart broken, there isn't much in the way of middle ground.
You will be sent mad by everything, and your temper will become the thing you lose the most. Don't ever lose your keys, you will hate it. I swear to God, it's legitimately the most annoying thing you will suffer from. You will have to live through many situations that make you unhappy, and you won't have any choice, sorry! Keep your chin up though son. I'm not going to waste either of our time with cryptic hints, so don't try to read into anything too much. I can't think on anything too specific to advise you on, but don't ever give up, and don't ever quit, ever. There are far more people on your side than you think, than you could possibly imagine.
For now though, enjoy what you have. Seriously boy! Remember that your best work is yet to come though, and take that sentiment to heart: it will save you more times than you could expect.
For now though, that's enough from me. You still don't drive, but you've moved out! Unemployed, sure, but you're still singing in a Cathedral. Never forget the time you have at Derby though, that training isn't to be taken for granted. See you when you get here.
Yours sincerely,
Peb
P.S Oh yeah, your name. You'll find time to absolutely hate it and be proud of it at the same time. The name I sign off with is the name you establish for yourself at University. I know, being called Paul is so horrifically annoying, and that will never change
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That's all. For now.
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